HT.095 Mudd’s Passion (TAS)

Transcript

auto-generated transcript has not been edited for accuracy.

Humanist Trek podcast about the humanism in Star Trek

Sarah Ray: And Mudd’s, like, those were official acts. And the great strong supreme court, they call them the Scotus. SCOTUS. They just decided a very good decision. Very smart. Very smart. Justices on, the Scotus, Harcourt Fenton Mudd has full immunity. Absolute immunity.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, my God, I’m gonna have to listen to this the whole time, aren’t I?

Sarah Ray: Yep!

[INTRO]

Sarah Ray: Jolan tru and welcome to Humanist Trek. It’s a Star Trek podcast about the humanism in Star Trek. I’m Sarah Ray.

Allie Ashmead: And I’m Allie Ashmead.

Sarah Ray: How’s your dating life?

Allie Ashmead: What dating life? My life consists of work and Star Trek.

I did go to Chicago recently, just for a couple of days

I did go to Chicago recently, just for a couple of days.

Sarah Ray: Was this work related, or I. Yeah.

Allie Ashmead: Work related, of course. It was. It was. It was so rushed. I, like, I packed the morning of in between meetings and then had to bust ass to the airport, and I was like, I hope I didn’t forget anything. But it was. It was cool.

Sarah Ray: Was this a last minute trip?

Allie Ashmead: Sort of. Sort of, yeah, yeah.

Sarah Ray: Weird. Famously, I am from Illinois, but not Chicago. I’m from, like 3 hours downstate, which, you know, we grew up in. We are the children of the corn, y’all.

Allie Ashmead: we don’t know about that part. Illinois.

Sarah Ray: Yeah. And so my sister went to college in, like, Chicago suburbia and encountered people. She did a photography project that was just pictures of cornfields, and there were classmates who were like, wow, where did you go to get these pictures? Like, how far did you have to drive? Like, what? Where did you get these pictures of corn? And. Yeah. And she was like, ten minutes outside of town. Like, these people have never left the city.

Allie Ashmead: Well, so we had the conversation about. I’m like, wow. So Chicago was never on my radar as far as a really happening place. And the whole time I’m there, I’m thinking about the episode of, What the. What was the episode? Oh, fuck. What was our episode that we did? Chicago, you know?

Sarah Ray: Yeah. the mobsters. What the hell? Episode was, piece of the action.

Allie Ashmead: Piece of the action. The whole time I was thinking about that, but so as we’re flying in, we get to see Lake Michigan. It’s huge. It looked like a fucking ocean because it’s huge and it’s. Of course Chicago is right on the water. And I just did not know how happening Chicago was. Chicago is so expensive. just as a comparison, like an uber ride here to the airport in Denver, maybe forty bucks. Forty to fifty dollars. One hundred there. Yeah. Very expensive. But it was just really cool happening place. And I got there in the evening, so the city was lit up for pride. Like, all of the buildings had the pride colors, illuminated on the buildings. I was like, this is nice. This is really cool.

Sarah Ray: Yeah. I love that feeling of. Because as a queer person, like, when I go into those spaces, it’s like, oh, oh, good. Like driving around town when I’m door dashing or whatever and seeing a, pride flag hanging off of somebody’s house, you know, just. It’s reassuring that like, the whole world is not completely burning to hell. Like, there are still some good people out there.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah. And me not being a queer person, but also. But being, ah, like a other, you know, a person of color, I’m like, okay, if they accept the LGBTQ community, there’s a good chance they will, you know, I have a place here too, so. And, yeah, it was really nice to see that in a big city. And yes, so much happening. And then on the streets at night, we were coming back from dinner and this place, there were so many people out on the streets that felt like New York. Just the busy happenings. And it was like, this is, this is kind. Okay, Chicago, I see you. I see you, Chicago. But yeah, there’s no dating life. There’s. I mean, I’ve given up on the apps and I’m just like, it’s very hard to think about dating and finding a long term relationship because I want to find someone, be friends with and that would, you know, I actually can look at that person, say, I like you.

Sarah Ray: Yeah. Ah.

Allie Ashmead: And then form a relationship and that takes time and, and you don’t have it. I don’t have the energy or the time and I mean, and I am actually content how I am. So just be nice every once in a while to have that special whatever.

Sarah Ray: Yeah.

Allie Ashmead: But otherwise I don’t need it.

Sarah Ray: Well, maybe what your love life needs is, some love crystals.

Allie Ashmead: Jesus, no.

Star Trek Qvc is about language and how people communicate

Sarah Ray: Welcome to another episode of Star Trek Qvc. This week we’re selling mud’s love crystals.

Allie Ashmead: Just the name would turn me off.

Sarah Ray: Well, it’s star the animated series season one, episode ten. Mud’s passion.

Speaker C: Sir, contact with an object. It’s moving toward us. No visual contact yet. Deflector is full intensity versus sudo.

Sarah Ray: Yes.

Speaker C: Get anything on your scanners?

Sarah Ray: It’s coming at light speed.

Speaker C: Collision, cars, visual contact. Anything?

Allie Ashmead: Newer wavelengths dominated by ionization effects.

Speaker C: Sir, all engines, full stop.

Sarah Ray: I’m gonna go on a tangent.

Allie Ashmead: Okay. I love tangents.

Sarah Ray: Captain’s log sets us up. We’re approaching the arcadian system on a mission to locate an old friend. And on the bridge, we get another Spock moment. When asked, do you think Harry Mudd is down there? Spock says the probability of his presence on motherlode is 81% plus or -0.53 and McCoy is like right up his shit. Why didn’t you just say, yeah, he’s probably there? And Spock’s like, but that is what I said. I got to thinking about my dislike for when they do this.

Sarah Ray: And I’ve been self reflective. Some deep weed shit right here.

Allie Ashmead: Settle in, y’all.

Sarah Ray: Spock is famously a character who a lot of neurodivergent people see themselves in. Particularly autistic people. Right. And I think this is one of those examples where Spock is coded as an autistic person, whether that was intentional or not. Right. But the reflection is there. And so I’m going to look at these interactions a lot differently now, and I’m going to try to look at it through that lens of if I were an autistic person. And I see Spock as a representation of how I fit into the world and, how other people interact with me. I’ve just fundamentally changed the way I look at these.

Allie Ashmead: Well, also too, how he communicates. It’s also about language. Spock says something one way, which means something in McCoy’s brain. Brain and brain. What is brain? But even though he doesn’t see it, the exact. So I know that, you know, we talk about language and how people say things.

Allie Ashmead: McCoy wants to force him into saying things, communicate the way he wants him to communicate.

Sarah Ray: Right.

Allie Ashmead: And you can’t do that to people.

Sarah Ray: Yep.

Allie Ashmead: People have to communicate the way that they communicate. And that’s period.

Harry Mudd sells a love potion to an angry mob on planet surface

Sarah Ray: Cut to the planet surface where Harry Mudd has a cart set up to sell his fox News boner pills, and, there’s quite a ragtag band of aliens gathered around to listen. In his hand, he holds what looks like shards of glass, but he says, this is a magical liquid. Again, looks solid to me, but all right.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah.

Sarah Ray: Which makes it so no person of the opposite sex can resist you. What I wanted was the campus gay alien to strut out and be like, opposite. oh.

Allie Ashmead: But what about me?

Sarah Ray: I’m so sick of this hetero bullshit. And then sashay away.

Allie Ashmead: That’s awesome. You’re right. You’re absolutely right. But they made assumptions, you know? Indeed, he does say, it doesn’t matter whether you’re old, young, fat, ugly, or repugnant. Somebody’s gonna love you.

Sarah Ray: Yeah.

Allie Ashmead: And so there’s these animals in the audience. I don’t know. I would call them bears exactly, but they’re. They’re gonna be referred to in the episode as bears. But one of the lady bears says, we want proof that this works. So, mud has orchestrated this live experiment where this blonde woman walks up to him and is all over him. That’s, of course, Majel Barrett’s voice. And she’s like, I was so lonely for you. And then she goes.

Sarah Ray: During this, we see Kirk and Spock beam in behind the crowd. And again, Mudd is voiced by Roger C. Carmel, who portrayed Mudd in both Dos episodes.

Sarah Ray: So Mudd continues this miracle liquid. It’s the best love potion. Everybody. Everybody is saying how great it is. Everyone says it. no one has ever had a love potion so great. I put one drop on myself, and then I touch that young girl. And when you a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, my God, Sarah. It’s scary how good that is.

Sarah Ray: And I know it’s not that good. So the fact that it’s good enough to be scary is bad.

Allie Ashmead: It’s pretty good. It’s pretty darn accurate. He says, you know, I placed a single drop of this miracle substance on myself, and I guess, what do you do, just dissolve it in water? Because it, like you said, it’s crystal, whatever. And he just touched this young woman, and she’s, like, all over him, and she’s, like, enthralled with him.

Sarah Ray: The price for this love potion is 300 credits, which, you know, one of the minors begins to protest, but I. Mud just goes into sales pitch again. And then he acknowledges Kirk and Spock, welcomes them to motherlode, and offers them a little love Kirk’s like, no, thanks, but I am here to serve you papers. Fraud, illegal drug manufacturer, swindling. And Mudd’s. Like, those were official acts. And the great strong supreme court, they call them the Scotuse Scotus. They just decided. A very good decision. Very smart. Very smart. Justices on the Scotus, Harcourt Fenton Mudd has full immunity. Absolute immunity.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, my God. I’m gonna have to listen to this the whole time. One night.

Sarah Ray: Yep.

Allie Ashmead: but, yeah.

Sarah Ray: It turns out, though, mother lode isn’t part of the federation. And also, there’s no extradition treaty, so mud appears to be safe here, but safe only from the federation charges. He’s not safe from the angry mob that Spock winds up by exposing Mudd’s illusion.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, so the blonde woman was an illusion. So Spock goes and shoots her with his phaser and turns, and it turns into some big ass lizard that just slithers away. So when they see that, they’re like, okay, fuck you, and they start throwing rocks at him.

Sarah Ray: And to escape their wrath, mud turns himself over to Kirk and Spock, asking for mercy of the law, and then prepare to strain all credulity, because Spock then turns his heater to the ground and carves a ditch the size of a small river between them and the angry mob. Those heaters aren’t that powerful.

Allie Ashmead: no, I’ve never seen a one phaser, like, burrow a ditch, on the ground, so. But I was like, okay, cool. Is that what we’re going with today? Yep.

Sarah Ray: Mm Kirk, Spock and mud materialize on the enterprise transporter pad, and mud threatens to sue Kirk for that trick, caused him to lose his ship and everything he owns. And here he says, even the love crystals. So are they liquid, or are they crystals?

Allie Ashmead: I don’t know. I think you must, like, dissolve them in some sort of solution and, drop. I don’t know.

Sarah Ray: And also, if they’re as useless as Alex Jones colloidal Silver, or whatever male supplement bullshit he sells, then why does it even matter her?

Allie Ashmead: Well, he’s a fraud, and that’s what he’s, you know, in trouble for.

Sarah Ray: In the brig, Chapel tends to Mud’s minor bruise.

Preston: There’s too much trump in this episode

And then we get to hear a little bit about Harry’s adventures since we last saw him. He stole a ship, went to Ilira six, where he sold people there. The Starfleet Space Academy. I need that episode.

Allie Ashmead: I want to see that episode. How an entire academy. Yeah, they just glanced over that.

Sarah Ray: Did he set up, like, a fake Starfleet Academy. Like, is this Trump university? I can’t help myself. There’s too much trump in this episode.

Allie Ashmead: I know harry is like, when you have a fraud, then that’s what you think of. But sure, he sold the Academy for enough to get to Sears nine. And then that’s when he discovered a love potion, this miracle love potion, which he sold to a bunch of inhabitants and then made them fucking sick before he hauled ass from that planet.

Sarah Ray: Preston, you know what it made me think of at this point? And I don’t. I don’t know what I was watching. it had to be a reel of some kind, but they were talking about how, like, nestle and these water bottling companies are selling your water back to you. You know, they’re sucking your water out of your earth and selling it back to you. We’re paying for our own water.

Allie Ashmead: Yep. They’re raping our streams, but then all the while polluting the environment, while they’re doing it. And then they’re putting it in bottles that are just, like, going to clog up the earth even more. So what is the point of you, Nestle?

Sarah Ray: I mean, go back to making chocolate?

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, stick to that.

Sarah Ray: Mud’s like, no, really, the potion works. you just let me grab some from my ship. Which I thought earlier he said he lost, but okay. Animated series, Sarah.

Chapel tells Spock that she thinks his trapping mud was swell

They leave mud in the brig, and out in the hallway, Kirk asks Spock to prepare the arrest report, and then he leaves and alone. Now, Chapel tells Spock that she thinks his trapping mud was just really swell, deserving of congratulations, even. But Spock either doesn’t pick up on this sexual tension dripping on her every word, or he ignores it because he’s like, you exaggerate, nurse. Kindly see that your medical summary is more precise.

Allie Ashmead: Damn. he’s not paying attention, but Mud is. Mud is watching this whole exchange, and he is an opportunist and looks for just any little crack. So Spock leaves, and Mud is just showering her with compliments. And then. But he talks about, oh, mister Spocks. He’s. He’s really hot. Chappell’s like, yeah, he’s an efficient officer, but he kind of just keeps needling on that. Oh, but he’s attractive. And you, you know, you’ve got a womanly, feminine quality, and you’ve got a wonderful gift to heal the wounded. Just all the fucking sweet talk bullshit. And he’s like, I appreciate that. And he wants to thank her by giving her a crystal. She’s like, what the fuck is this? He’s always a love potion. She’s like, I’ve heard about your potions, and I don’t believe you. But he’s like, think about it, though. Mister Spock in love with you. Wouldn’t that be swell?

Sarah Ray: Mm And she’s thought about it many, many times. Oh, my.

Mudd tries to get chapel to use crystal on Spock, who is skeptical

On the bridge. They have apparently gone off to the next adventure, because Spock reports an uncharted system ahead with binary suns and a class m planet, which apparently is rare. And that warrants, us, stopping to check it out. So they pull the car off the interstate and into orbit of this planet.

Allie Ashmead: Well, I mean, they’ve got Harry Mud in the brig, so I guess they can do what they need to do on the way to deliver him where they need to deliver him.

Sarah Ray: Meanwhile, Mudd is still putting the hard sell on Chapel, who is still skeptical. And Mudd uses that skepticism against her. You’re not just a pretty lady. You’re a scientist. Take the crystal, conduct your own experiment with Spock. And in the end, she does drop the force field on his cell and takes the crystals to go analyze. Out of the break, we get settled into orbit, and Spock reports no evidence of intelligent life. Breathable atmosphere, gravity 1.2, and temperature is hot, but with class M limits. Spocks like, this planet is experiencing global warming, very much like your earth in the first half of the 21st century, before heat death. See, I know what century it is.

Allie Ashmead: Now.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Sarah Ray: in the doorway of the brig cell, mud is still trying to get chapel to use the crystal on Spock, even going so far as telling her that if she tried to, like, do laboratory tests on it, it would destroy the crystals. And that’s, of course, another lie. Now, this is kind of where the crystal liquid argument finally makes sense to me. It’s liquid inside a crystal, apparently. So she breaks it open in her hands, and all she has to do is rub it on herself and then go touch Spock. But as she breaks it, something happens, and she becomes lightheaded. And mud catches her as she falters, saying it’s a temporary effect of the liquid absorbing into your skin. But that also gave mud a chance to snatch something out of Chapel’s Batman utility belt. She’s kind of loopy, but she gets mud back into the cell and gets the force field back on.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, Christine. But he’s like, why don’t you go run along now. Go find your. Find your spot and can’t, waste any time. And she’s like, yep, I’m gonna do that.

Sarah Ray: And after she leaves, he uses Chapel’s heater to escape the brig. And then, and I didn’t know this was a thing. He finds a large computer station with a badge printer and drops Chapel’s photo id badge into the machine.

Allie Ashmead: Why the fuck would you put that in just a hallway, you know?

Sarah Ray: Right? Why. Why do we even still have them at this point? Why are we carrying around plastic cards?

Allie Ashmead: I’ve never seen anybody use an id badge right up to this point.

Sarah Ray: Just for this episode.

Allie Ashmead: Just for this episode.

Sarah Ray: So he drops the badge into the printer, and it replaces her picture with his.

Allie Ashmead: And so now he’s Christine Chappell.

Sarah Ray: Like anybody who’s looking at the card is going to be fooled by that. Okay. Meanwhile, chapel goes to Spock’s quarters to deliver her report. And, she, like, fake trips and lands in his lap all teehee. How clumsy of me.

Allie Ashmead: I’m just a silly woman. And, Spock is like, are you. Are you okay? And then she’s like, I’m fine. how you feeling?

Sarah Ray: Don’t you want me to, I don’t know, stay here and help you with that throbbing bulge in your pants?

Speaker C: Oh, my.

Allie Ashmead: He’s like, what throbbing bulge? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Get off of me. And he’s like, well, did you want something else? Because basically he didn’t, you know, feel anything at that point. She does say, wouldn’t you like me to stay? And he’s like, well, that wouldn’t make any sense. That would be illogical. And she’s like, yes. It would be stupid.

Sarah Ray: Yeah, that would be tough. Yeah. And she leaves, and we get a camera push in on Spock eyebrow, telling us that maybe he’s kind of picking up on something not quite right at this point.

Allie Ashmead: He picked up what she put down, I suppose.

Sarah Ray: Chavel runs right back to the brig to confront Mud for giving her a crystal made of lies. But she finds the brig empty and also notices the empty pouch on her Batman utility belt.

Allie Ashmead: She’s been had.

Switch from shuttle bay to bridge and back to shuttle bay again

A and back in the shuttle bay, Mudd is doing his diabolical monologue, doofenshwerk to himself. He’s like Harry Mudd triumphant again. And so he’s, about to get into a shuttlecraft. But then they do this. They’re doing this again, this fast switch from the shuttle bay to Spock to the bridge. So back to Spock’s quarters. He’s reading a report, written by Christine Chappell. And he just says, ah. nurse Chappell’s sweet summary. Dear, lovely Christine. I’m like, oh, shit.

Sarah Ray: Mm And he’s got his dick in his hand now. And he tells the computer to lock the door and launch Pornhub.

Allie Ashmead: Here is what I found on Pornhub for sexy nurse in a blue dressed. And then smash cut to the shuttle bay. Chapel finds mud and she karate chops his ass.

Sarah Ray: Hell yeah.

Allie Ashmead: Yes. And gets her stuff back. And she’s like, I’ve come to collect on your fucking guarantee, bitch.

Back in the shuttle bay, mud is insistent that this stuff works

Sarah Ray: On the bridge, Spock announces to Kirk and McCoy in a really great line. Read that he’s feeling some type of way. And I’m just. I think we just play it.

Speaker C: Captain.

Speaker C: Doctor, I wish to report a, A number of very strange, emotions. What? What?

Allie Ashmead: And I like the way that Kirk said, what?

Sarah Ray: Back in the shuttle bay, mud is insistent that this stuff works. Maybe it takes longer to work on vulcans. You know how they are. But this just proved to Chappell that she was right about this failed huckster all along. Love, crystals, stakes, bibles with the US Constitution and lyrics to that shitty Lee Greenwood song printed in the back. All just money sucking bullshit. She’s got a heater pointed at him and reassures him that it’s set to stun, not kill. And when he offers her another handful of crystals, just in case that first one was defective, she shoots and oops. He tries to make a run for it, and the shot misses him, hitting the wall behind him as he runs off. And we see the crystals now, like, on the floor in a pile next to this large grate in the wall.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, of course.

Sarah Ray: So it gets sucked up into the ventilation system. Oh, shit, that’s not going to be good. Fucking naked time all over again.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, everyone’s about to go mad.

Spock in rescue mode as Harry Mudd takes Christine Chapel hostage

So back on the bridge, Eric’s notifies the captain that there’s an issue in the shuttlecraft bay. And then they put it on screen, which they should have been doing that all along. Like, if something’s happening, right, they never put it on screen and. But now they do. And they can see Harry Mudd has taken Christine Chapel as sort of a hostage. So they’re getting into a shuttlecraft, and then a spock is like, no, my love, she’s in danger. He’s like, full in love.

Sarah Ray: Oh, yeah. And the camera. This is great. The camera cuts around the bridge for reactions, and everybody has. What the fuck did you just say? Look on their face.

Allie Ashmead: And then, why? And then Eric slots out a whistle. Why is he whistle? I don’t know.

Sarah Ray: I don’t either, but, yeah.

Allie Ashmead: So they’ve determined he’s going to the planet, and Spock’s still going, no, no, not with my christine. And then mud is back in the shuttlecraft. we cut back to there, and mud is like, relax, I’m not going to kill you. I’m just going to put you down somewhere safe and so I can get away.

Sarah Ray: But on the bridge, Spock is in full on rescue my girlfriend mode. He’s all, you gotta let me lead an away team to rescue her. I can’t stand the thought of any danger to her, the woman I love. And Kirk and McCoy are both just still shocked to hear Spock talk like this.

Allie Ashmead: But he’s like, oh, I want to protect her. I want to hold her in my arms. Oh, my gosh. He’s like, what? He’s full on pon Farr right now. So Kirk’s like, I’m going to transport with you to the planet. And it’s settled. And McCoy’s like, is that wise in his condition? But we know you’re not going to be able to stop the spock.

Sarah Ray: The end of this act. Scotty and mores have a quick moment to be like Spock in love. Really? Like, holy shit. But then mores starts sniffing and we see the vapor coming through a vent on the bridge. And Scotty sort of sighs and goes, I love.

Allie Ashmead: And Morass goes.

Sarah Ray: The ship is going to be overtaken with this love shit. And the captain will be stuck on the planet. Classic Star Trek setup.

Allie Ashmead: He’s the only one who’s not affected.

Sarah Ray: In the transporter room. Spock is very affected. he’s very impatient. He needs to get down there and rescue his boo thing. McCoy rolls in with a handful of crystals that were found in the shuttle bay, and there were more found broken next to an air intake grill. Kirk’s like, oh, good thing mud is full of shit and those things don’t work right, otherwise this would be really bad news. And McCoy’s like, have you seen the way Spock is acting?

Allie Ashmead: And the rest of the crew? I think it’s working.

Allie Ashmead: So Kirk wants bones to just, okay, check it out and report. back.

Mress and Scotty are in full flirt mode in this episode

Back on the bridge, Mress and Scotty are in full flirt mode. She’s reporting that bud’s landed on the planet and they’ve sent the coordinates to the transporter room. And Scott makes some comment that isn’t even funny. He says the captain’s in transports about it with our ever loving mister Spock. And she’s like, oh, you’re so funny. And, yeah, so they’re about to get it on.

Sarah Ray: That’s an episode I don’t need to see. you know, now that I say it, I bet there’s a Pornhub channel just for shit like this.

Allie Ashmead: Mariss. What? is there really that weird?

Sarah Ray: Yes. Yes. People are really that weird, and we are not passing judgment on them. Your kink is your kink, and your kink is okay, but your kink is not my king.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, that’s true.

Sarah Ray: Like, I know there’s porn that’s made m of, like, simpsons characters and Family guy characters. Oh, yeah, I’m.

Allie Ashmead: I’m just. And, yeah, like you said, I’m not putting anybody’s kink down. It’s just news to me. I didn’t know any of this stuff existed. Yeah, I, like, don’t look at my Google history, because I’m going to probably google it just to see what it is, just to see if it’s really out there.

Sarah Ray: This is just fucking great. So she says, you’re very attractive for a human, and, like, climbs up in his lap and puts her paws on his shoulders.

Kirk and Spock beam down to planet and encounter rock monster

On the planet, mud is still talking about how he’s going to leave Chapel here and escape to somewhere. And Chapel’s like, where are you going to go? We’ve detected no intelligent life on this planet. No life at all, for that matter. This planet is just a big old rock. And speaking of rocks, there’s a suspiciously shaped rock pile that looks like it might be a creature of some sort. And then it’s got eyes. It’s got, like, yellow, glowy eyes.

Allie Ashmead: Before he gets to take off, Kirk and Spock beam down to the planet.

Sarah Ray: Oh, don’t forget that on the bridge. What, is that shit you’re on? Mac and cheese. Everybody’s hit some Mac and cheese. Cause they are. Everybody is fucking high. Eric’s has a loot, and with all three hands is, like, jamming out on the loot, and somebody’s humming. like, they’re just. It’s, It’s like the hippies are back.

Speaker C: Oh, Herbert, you are stiff.

Allie Ashmead: Eric says, by the way, anybody keeping an eye on the captain and Mister Spock and more says, sure, but not really.

Sarah Ray: And as Kirk and Spock materialize on the planet, Spock’s foot sinks into the ground a little, and Kirk grabs him. Remember earlier when mud said that this love potion would make two men or two women experience profound friendship, but between a man and a woman, it would be love. as baby Republican Jesus commanded.

Sarah Ray: Kirk and Spock exchange some lines back and forth about their deep friendship, even, like, putting their arms around each other side, hug style.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, they’re having a little bit of a bromance moment, so it is affecting Kirk. Like, initially we thought, oh, it’s not going to affect him, but it is affecting him in a friendship kind of way.

Sarah Ray: Right. Suddenly, the rock monster. Rock monster.

Allie Ashmead: Here we go with another rock monster.

Sarah Ray: Yeah, this rock monster rises up and starts smashing shit with its giant claws, including the shuttle. The shuttle gets smashed, and it’s towering above chapel and mud as Kirk and Spock roll up. And even with three heaters shooting at it, there’s no effect. But then we see another rock monster nearby wake up. And shit’s getting deep.

Allie Ashmead: So they’re growling at each other and the people, on the little people. And Spock is like, oh, darling, are you all right? And she’s like, who are you calling darling? Like you calling me darling. So I think she’s starting to realize, okay, it did work.

Allie Ashmead: But mud is like, get us out of here. Well, he no longer has a way to escape because the shuttle is all smashed. And then Kirk tries to call back to the transporter room to ask for emergency beam up, but ain’t nobody taking no notice. they’re all dancing together and just. Just fucking off, basically.

Sarah Ray: The rock monster chases them a bit further, and Kirk tries to make another call with no answer. And then Kirk says, spock, can’t you take your hands off her? And Spock reacts like, this is a challenge. He’s like, that’s my affair, not yours. And Kirk’s like, well, let’s get something straight here, bud. And that’s when Spock gets it. He’s like, Jim, wait, no, captain shit. that drug is affecting all of us. And they cut fast to mud, who’s like, wait, it works. It works. I’m going to raise the price.

Allie Ashmead: I told you it works. He’s surprised.

Sarah Ray: In the rec room, McCoy is chatting up a red shirt, talking about, did I ever tell you about the time I saved Captain Kirk’s life? Or Spock’s, or hell, everybody. I’ve saved everybody’s life on this ship. Why, if the ship had a heart, I’d save it, too.

Allie Ashmead: And then he’s starting to talk. let’s talk about your heart, my dear. And he’s starting to chat up a woman gag.

The creatures are coming back, and they’re once again going to contact Enterprise

Anyway, back on the planet, Kirk is wanting to know how long this shit’s going to last, but m mud doesn’t know, but he’s thinking not long, just based on what he was told from the person that he swept it from. The creatures are coming back, and they’re once again going to try to contact the Enterprise. Or he has chapel contact the enterprise while they figure out how to fight these things.

Sarah Ray: Kirk suggests a distraction, and Spock says, that is an outstandingly stupid idea, and then quickly says, like, guys, I’m. I’m sorry. That’s really not like me. it’s that stupid drug. Kirk gets Harry to hand over the last two crystals, but mud doesn’t really.

Allie Ashmead: Want to because he’s like, man, now that I know they work, I could.

Sarah Ray: Make a fortune on the bridge. It seems like everyone’s got a nasty hangover. And they’re not all lovey dovey anymore.

Allie Ashmead: In fact, they’re the opposite. They kind of hate each other. So I guess this is the. Everybody’s got to have that come down. This is what it’s like. They literally don’t like each other at all.

Sarah Ray: Chapel’s call for emergency beam out is answered now. So they just have to stay alive until the transport happens. And to do this, they shoot at the rock monster, and as it opens its mouth, Kirk runs up closer and throws the crystals in. The crystal affected rock monster now treats Kirk as a friend and starts fighting the other rock monster. And that’s a distraction enough for everyone to be beamed up.

Allie Ashmead: Yay.

Sarah Ray: Chapel is recording Mudd’s confession statement on a tricorder when Spock arrives and offers to assist Chapel. But Chapel says, you. You’d be the last person I’d choose. Spock says, a few moments of love paid for with several hours of hatred. Your potion is scarcely a bargain, Harry. Mudd says. Ah. well, Spock, so few things in this universe are perfect. Think I’ll get rehab therapy again? And Spock says, I can guarantee it. Mudd says, well, that’s all right. I just hate to leave you all. All my loved ones. Off we go to the next adventure. Boy, I’m sure glad that’s over with.

Speaker C: I’m happy the affair is over.

Sarah Ray: Me too.

Speaker C: A most annoying emotional episode.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah.

Sarah Ray: But you know, I learned something today.

Speaker C: When dreams become more important than reality, you give up travel building, creating one jealous God. If all this makes a goddess. By sparing your helpless enemy, who surely would have destroyed you, you demonstrated the advance trait of mercy. Frankly, I was rather dismayed by your use of the term half breed. You must admit it is an unsophisticated expression.

Allie Ashmead: I don’t know if this one had a Humanist theme.

Sarah Ray: I don’t either.

Allie Ashmead: We could talk about. We could talk about, like, love and. I don’t know, there’s no. There’s no substitute for the real thing. Like, you can’t, like, a potion is going to wear off. I don’t know. I’m grasping.

Allie Ashmead: Did you have anything?

Sarah Ray: No, I thought I was going to come up with something as we talked too, and I don’t know that we really did.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, I mean, this was just fun. I think we could go the route of the whole. Yeah, the love potion. There’s really no such thing. if it does work, it would only be temporary. but yeah, it was. It was fun to see Spock, like, out of character. It always is.

Sarah Ray: It’s always fun to see Spock out of character and ah, just get all. You get over your shit, guys. Just get over your shit. Hook up, be done with it, right.

Allie Ashmead: Get it out of your system.

Sarah Ray: Just. Right, right. Harry Mudd is, you know, one of the beloved original series characters and.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, I,

Sarah Ray: And this was, you know, I think this was another one of those, like, tribbles and the Shore leaf planet. Right. This would be a fun revisit. Let’s go back into that story and visit that place in the Star Trek universe. That’s what I see this episode mostly as.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, I agree. I agree. But I mean, that would be cool to have a love potion.

Sarah Ray: Spock’s line at the end, his observation of humanity, a few moments of love, paid for with several hours of hatred. If that potion, if that’s the function of the potion, is you get a few hours of love, but then it’s like, fuck you get away from me for hours afterwards. Is it worth it? Is it a.

Allie Ashmead: You know, the trade off for those, like, quick fixes, I feel.

Sarah Ray: Yeah.

Let’s get right to business. Federation pays off percentages; I pay an equitable price

Speaker C: Let’s get right to business. Fine. I’m authorized to pay an equitable price. Federation has invested a great deal of money in our training. They’re about due for a small return.

Allie Ashmead: Listen, we pay off percentages. We’re entitled to a little service for all. Money, huh?

Speaker C: Is this the way your citizens do business? They’re right of petition.

Sarah Ray: They pay their percentages and the boss.

Speaker C: Takes care of them. Is there anything else?

If you find humanist trek to be a worthy battle companion, pledge your support

Sarah Ray: All right, so we want to thank all of our patrons. We especially want to thank our founding admirals, Russell, Allie, Peter, Sarah, and Sherry Kapla, warriors of the cosmos. Listen well. If you find Humanist trek to be a worthy battle companion, prove your mettle. Leave a review like a victorious roar echoing through the halls of Stovokor. But for those with the heart of a true Klingon, ascend to greatness by becoming a patron. Pledge your support and earn the respect of warriors across the galaxy. Earn early access battle worthy march and bonus content that’ll make your blood boil hotter than Klingon coffee. Visit patreon.com humanistrack and pledge a meager $3 per moon cycle. It’s the honorable thing to do. And let it be known throughout the empire that you have helped fuel the laughter heard from Kronos to the far reaches of Grethor. Bahragh.

Speaker C: I assume you’re loitering around here to learn what efficiency rating I plan to give your cadets trainees to the briefing room. Is that all you gotta say? What about my performance? Aren’t you dead? I don’t believe this was a fair test of my command abilities.

Allie Ashmead: There was no way to win.

Speaker C: There’s no correct resolution. It’s a test of character.

Sarah Ray: Now, what is that supposed to mean?

Speaker C: I am understandably curious.

Sarah Ray: May I ask you a question?

Speaker C: Who’s been holding up the damn elevator?

Who provided the voice for Harry Mudd in this episode

Sarah Ray: All right. Becca is back now with the answer to this week’s Starfleet Academy cadet challenge question for Mud’s passion. Remind us all what our question was.

Becca: Who provided the voice for Harry Mudd in this episode?

Allie Ashmead: I think we both got that right.

Sarah Ray: I think we knew. We didn’t. We didn’t know the guy’s name, though.

Becca: I’m gonna give it to you.

Allie Ashmead: Correct. Thank you.

Becca: It was the original guy, I will tell you. I don’t know if this is still true, but he was originally uncredited. Oh, it’s Roger C. Carmo.

Sarah Ray: That’s right.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, cool. Yay. We got one right.

Sarah Ray: Next week, we’ll be reviewing star the animated series season one, episode eleven, the Tarotan Incident. The Enterprise crew begins to shrink after radiation exposure. Honey, I shrunk the kids in space.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, nice.

Sarah Ray: Are they gonna.

Allie Ashmead: They’re gonna have to go through somebody’s anus again. Go through somebody’s digestive system and come out through the anus.

Sarah Ray: Oh, my God.

This week’s Trivia question is based on 17th century Sci-Fi

All right, what’s our question for the magic school bus incident?

Becca: In this week’s edition of for Fuck’s sake? This series is impossible to research. Trivia for.

Allie Ashmead: What?

Sarah Ray: She had a hard time finding a question for this one.

Allie Ashmead: Oh. Give us a gimme. We need a gimme.

Becca: I gave you a gimme last week. I don’t understand. This episode is written by screenwriter Paul Schneider. The idea came from a one paragraph story written by Gene Roddenberry. Based on what? 17th century piece of Sci-Fi literature?

Sarah Ray: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Allie Ashmead: 17Th century.

Sarah Ray: I don’t have a clue.

Allie Ashmead: that means in the 16 hundreds.

Sarah Ray: Yeah, we are. We are well known as very good at calculating what years are in a century.

Becca: Funny story. I had the year that this was written, and I had to do some research to figure out what century it was.

Sarah Ray: I don’t know any 17th century Sci-Fi I don’t.

Allie Ashmead: I don’t know what to tell you either. Like 1984, that George Orwell. That wasn’t that long. That wasn’t that long ago.

Sarah Ray: What was the Isaac Asimov that they’re all in love with?

Allie Ashmead: Oh, Something wicked this week. I don’t know. I have a guess.

Sarah Ray: I don’t even know.

Allie Ashmead: The world war, the worlds.

Sarah Ray: That’s as good a guess as any at this point.

Allie Ashmead: I don’t know when that was created, though.

Sarah Ray: I don’t either. I think it was a whole lot more recent than 17th century. That’s why.

Allie Ashmead: Well, I know they used to. They used to do a radio show with war of the worlds, like before tv and then George Orwell’s 1984. But I don’t know when that was written.

Sarah Ray: You know, I think all of those. I think all of those are contemporary.

Allie Ashmead: Sci-Fi from the 16th century. Oh, this is gonna kill me.

Sarah Ray: People are screaming at their phones right now. Somebody knows this.

Allie Ashmead: I know.

Sarah Ray: What are we gonna guess? What’s our.

Allie Ashmead: I don’t know. I’m trying 16th century Sci-Fi so you’re going back to Scifi now? Sorry.

Sarah Ray: What’s the fucking difference at this point?

Allie Ashmead: It’s a really long time.

Becca: About a hundred years.

Allie Ashmead: Oh, man. I don’t know.

Sarah Ray: So this was, this was inspired by that previous work of Sci-Fi yes.

Becca: Would you like me to repeat the question?

Sarah Ray: No, not really. I, just, I think, like. Okay, so are we talking about people shrinking down? Is that the theme that was stolen from the 17th century writing lord of.

Allie Ashmead: The flies or, Lord of the Rings?

Sarah Ray: Lord. Lord of the radiation exposure. I don’t know. Yeah, I’m gonna. I’m gonna go down as an. I don’t know on this one because I don’t even. I don’t even want to try to guess at what might have been written at that time. Good one, Becca. Good one.

Allie Ashmead: Yeah, good one. Mission accomplished, Becca.

Becca: Well, after last week.

Allie Ashmead: I give up.

Share this episode using the hashtag Hash Starfleetchallenge

Sarah Ray: Okay, well, if you want to play along, you know how to do that. Head out to your favorite social media. Share this episode using the hashtag Hash Starfleetchallenge. We’ll pick out a winner next time on Humanistrec. Star the animated series season one, episode eleven the Tarotan incident Diftor, Hech, Smoosma, Kapla.

Becca: Humanistrek is available wherever you replicate your podcast. Follow us on all the social medias at humanistrec. Become a patron@patreon.com Humanistrek Open hailing frequencies to podcastumanistrek.com and visit our website, humanistrect.com. humidist Trek is a production of Sarah Austin Mediataindeh.