Category: The Next Generation

When Mrs. Troi shows up in the middle of a midlife crisis, her horny attention turns to just about every man on the ship. Meanwhile, Jean-Luc hides in the holodeck while Worf schools Wesley on not judging a fish person by it’s scales. Then they turn out to be assassins? What?

When the Enterprise stumbles upon a forgotten Earth colony whose planet is in danger, the racist Irish stereotypes get turned up to 11. The neighboring colony made up of clones needs new DNA to survive. The solution seems pretty simple, but what happens when you set up your Trump supporting, toxic manosphere, dudebro cousin with your hot socialist Bernie Bro bestie?

While Picard and Wesley take the company van to the nearest Starbase to get open heart surgery and retake the Starfleet Academy Cadet Challenge, respectively, the Enterprise responds to a distress call from a seemingly unintelligent species called the Pakleds. But when Geordi gets kidnapped and Picard’s surgery takes a turn, Riker and Co have to outwit the dimwits to save them both.

When Q drops in for another chaotic visit, the Enterprise finds itself in an encounter with Star Trek: The Next Generation’s new baddies: the Borg. Is it Picard’s stubborn arrogance or distrust of Q preventing him from asking for help? Could Q have taught Picard this lesson without killing 18 UC’s? And just how do Borgs procreate?

Data spends weeks communicating with a young girl on the internet and learns that her planet is destroying itself. Thankful that Chris Hansen isn’t there when they arrive, Data breaks the Prime Directive and probably several Secondary Directives to save his new underage friend. Where is the line when it comes to saving lives? Why is Data more human than everyone else all of a sudden? And why is everyone so quick to perform a memory wipe on an alien child without consent?

When Riker’s Dad shows up after 15 years looking to make amends, father and son must beat the shit out of each other in order to deal with their feelings. Meanwhile, Worf’s going through some cultural isolation and Wesley organizes Worf’s friends to watch Worf get zapped with pain sticks over and over.

When a giant space whirlpool sends Picard 6 hours back in time, the crew must unravel a timey wimey loop knot. But when Gene Roddenberry tells Maurice Hurley to stuff it, we’re left with more questions than answers.

When the D finds some old NASA junk orbiting a strange new world, they beam down to find themselves in a shitty old novel. One long-dead astronaut later, they discover they’re trapped inside this hotel and casino and only Data’s ability to know when to hold ’em can break them free.

When the D’s sister ship is destroyed in the Romulan DMZ, Picard’s investigation turns up an Ancient Aliens bittorrent client. But when they connect without a VPN, the D picks up a nasty virus that begins rewriting their entire system code. With Data also infected, a⎍⏁ ⍙op⊑ ⎅⏃⏁g ⏃i⌇s ⟟⋏⎎⟒☊⏁⟒⎅ ⏃⌰⌰ ⊑⍜⌿⟒ ⌇⟒⟒⋔⌇ ⌰⍜⌇⏁